She is a fluttering, fragile
Crystalline configuration
Falling slowly, fusing suddenly
As she lands, miraculously, upon us.
I scarcely exhale when she is placed in my arms
and marvel-- how dainty! how delicate!
But when the shrieking storm comes
I sometimes forget her beauty.
Looking up close, she and I are worlds within ourselves
Both exquisitely, stubbornly unique--
From a distance, though, it is simple to see
We are formed from the same soft stuff.
This is a beautiful, simple, clear poem, with a vivid image. The poem utilizes alliteration in "soft stuff," "fluttering fragile," and "Christine configuration." I like the comparison of the baby to snow and how each snowflake is unique but made of water. I like the realism of the narrator explaining how dainty how delicate.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if this poem could continue a bit onwards to show the similarities and differences of the narrator and her sister. I think the poem is complete on its own and has a clear message, but it could be interesting with a little more development.
The first thing that struck me about this poem was the title. I like how you chose the subject to be a baby sister and not a daughter, as it allows for more varied emotions about the baby. The title was also important in creating a setting for the poem which never explicitly stated what the subject was.
ReplyDeleteThe line "Falling slowly, fusing suddenly" is one of my favorites. "Falling" brought to mind the delicate way a mother caresses a baby, as well as a toddler learning to crawl or walk. "Fusing" conjured images of a newborn's fusing skull, while "suddenly" reminded me of how quickly babies grow up. I could tell each word in the line was chosen deliberately and was purposeful in conveying the imagery and emotion in the poem. each line in the first stanza was equally applicable to a baby as it was to a snowflake which was excellent in terms of the extended metaphor.
When I got up to the lines "But when the shrieking storm comes
I sometimes forget her beauty", I got distracted from the metaphor. The word choice here also did not seem as elegant as the rest of the poem. I would have appreciated more development of the metaphor before reaching the last stanza.
The picture was also an asset the imagery and metaphor in the poem.
I want to address the marvelous sounds in this poem, especially in the first and final stanzas. Notice the adept use of consonance (esp the "f" sounds) in stanza one. The F sound is a soft, whispery sound, perfectly appropriate for describe a baby and conveying the fragility and softness intrinsic to the scene.
ReplyDeleteBut notice also the alliterative L sounds through the stanza, giving it a lullaby-like feel. The Ls tend to be in the middle of the words, while the F sounds begin the words, creating a falling sensation, just as a snowflake falls.
The middle stanza is not as sonicaly rich, but it is necessary to counterbalance the sweetness of stanza one. Maybe it could be reworded somewhat to enhance the sounds.
The final stanza contains the wisdom of the poem--the marvelous and inescapable separateness and individuality of human beings. This could be considered alienation, but here love is framed as an expression of individuality.
"individually unique" is weak and redundant, though. It's a bad phrase that sticks out and needs revision. More in class hopefully!
I loved how this poem describes the feeling of getting a new baby sister and realizing how delicate she is like the picture of the crystal snowflake. I really liked the line “From a distance, though, it is easy to see We are formed from the same soft stuff.” It is clear that the speaker has come to the beautiful realization that her sister is just like her and that they are truly sisters. I think also that the poems minimal length adds to its calm nature. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteI like that your image was not concretely of the baby described, but of the image used to describe the baby. The delicate quality was conveyed when I was able to see the snowflakes right in front of me. Both the snowflake and your sister are magical in a way, at how they exist in this world and their obvious wonder. This extended metaphor was unique in its own but surprisingly related to each other. It is also a relatable poem and an interesting thought. Good work!
ReplyDeleteHey! Although I never experienced holding a baby sister in my arms, you were successfully able to help me feel the love you felt toward your sister as you held her for the first time. The phrase "crystal configuration" really caught my attention as it is both beautifully descriptive and extremely creative. It took me a couple readings to see and embrace the comparison between your baby sister and a snowflake-quite original.
ReplyDeleteThe last phrase "We are formed from the same soft stuff." left me with a fleeting thought, that maybe could even be developed on in the poem.
Great job!
Hey! Although I never experienced holding a baby sister in my arms, you were successfully able to help me feel the love you felt toward your sister as you held her for the first time. The phrase "crystal configuration" really caught my attention as it is both beautifully descriptive and extremely creative. It took me a couple readings to see and embrace the comparison between your baby sister and a snowflake-quite original.
ReplyDeleteThe last phrase "We are formed from the same soft stuff." left me with a fleeting thought, that maybe could even be developed on in the poem.
Great job!
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ReplyDeleteHey! Although I never experienced holding a baby sister in my arms, you were successfully able to help me feel the love you felt toward your sister as you held her for the first time. The phrase "crystal configuration" really caught my attention as it is both beautifully descriptive and extremely creative. It took me a couple readings to see and embrace the comparison between your baby sister and a snowflake-quite original.
ReplyDeleteThe last phrase "We are formed from the same soft stuff." left me with a fleeting thought, that maybe could even be developed on in the poem.
Great job!
I love love love this poem!! it so captures the fragility of a newborn and the pristine smoothness of a baby's skin. I like the use of alliteration with flowing and fluttering, it sounds really nice! my favorite part of the metaphor is the storm. Its so true for the actual snowflake and for the metaphor a parent raising a child-when theres a snow storm and it inhibits our plans or makes things inconvenient for us, we get so frustrated with the snow and become blind to the beauty of the smooth white blanket outside. And its true of the parent-child relationship as well. Sometimes the child gives the parent such a hard time that it becomes easy for a parent to become frustrated, but i do feel that its less true metaphorically than it is of a literal snow storm because at the end of the day the parent always loves the child no matter what, but i think you do communicate that difference really nicely when you talk about the fact that the snow flakes are different yet made of the "same soft stuff" (really great alliteration)-really at the end of the day the are connected at the core! This poem was really beautiful, with a calm and soft spoken feeling to it! Thanks for adding new meaning to the snow!
ReplyDeleteSuch a sweet, precious poem. I love all the musical language using alliteration and assonance. I also like that as sweet as it is, it avoids sentimentality by it's use of humor and vivid, specific details. It also acknowledges that there are multiple emotions -- both joy and sometime a sense of frustration -- when a new sibling arrives. Very well done!
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome Meira! I have three little sisters and you capture it so well.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the line about the shrieking storm - so relatable and great word choice.
I haven't read other comments yet so I'm not sure if it was said yet but the usage of the word "stuff" in the last line feels unsophisticated in this poem when used next to the rest of your words. That might have been what you were going for but if not I would try to find a "prettier" word to substitute there. Good job!
This is awesome Meira! I have three little sisters and you capture it so well.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the line about the shrieking storm - so relatable and great word choice.
I haven't read other comments yet so I'm not sure if it was said yet but the usage of the word "stuff" in the last line feels unsophisticated in this poem when used next to the rest of your words. That might have been what you were going for but if not I would try to find a "prettier" word to substitute there. Good job!
Meira!! I loved this poem so much! I tried writing a poem about my baby brother but I think that you captured this in such a beautiful and delicate way.
ReplyDeleteI think the way you captured the delicate nature of the baby coming to this world with the crystal structure is just beautiful.
You did the most amazing job of showing and not telling especially "Crystalline configuration
Falling slowly, fusing suddenly"
Honestly, such an amazing job, great poem!
Hi Meira,
ReplyDeleteThis poem is fantastic. The controlling metaphor was consistent throughout the poem which was great. While reading this poem I felt like I was there. The last line was very touching: how you are found from the same stuff.
Good job!